Nightmare
by Rin-Rin Yu Die
Summary: Kagome's life had been ruined by Sesshomaru and she would never forgive him for that, even when he seemed to be a changed man.


Warning: Prostitution and mentions of rape.

Nightmare

You can't have everything you want, but sometimes you've just got to try.

She used to hold onto those words as if they were laws. She used to follow them like they were commandments. They were like a lifeline to her in a time when she was drowning, hopping from place to place, time to time.

But now she isn't and now those words mean nothing.

They never meant anything to begin with; they were just words after all. The thought behind them was what counted back then, at least that's now what she thinks, but it no longer adds up. The numbers are wrong, the equation to complicated. It's just a garbled mess she's thrown in the trash.

The thought was partially right, at least from what she sees from where she stands now in her life. It was right in saying that you can't have everything you want. She tried that once but it failed. A good education and saving the world? As if.

She stands here now, pondering the stupidity of her younger self as she feels the cold metal of a street light dig into her back. The roaring of cars rushing past fills her ears, nearly deafening her. The chill of the evening bites into her, holding on and not letting it go. It bites everywhere since she wears so little. A mini-skirt that barely covers her ass, heels that seem like death traps, and a low cut top that shows off her midriff.

A man in a vehicle rolls up, rolling down his window to get a better look at her. She gives him a lazy look from where she stands, noting the fact the car must be worth more than the entire apartment complex she lives in. This man must have money. He will do.

She pushes herself away from the pole, walking towards his vehicle, a slight sway to her hips. She's turned on the charm and pushed her pondering to the back of her mind. She has work to do, she cannot be bothered by a silly little girl long dead.

* * *

She pushes the door to her apartment open, pocketing the key and turning the lock behind her. She's hungry which does not surprise her, she's always hungry after work. Work takes so much out of her. It takes physical prowess, mental resoluteness, and emotional hardiness to continue what she does. If she wasn't so dead inside, she'd be disgusted with herself, wishing for death to take her away from this awful life she leads.

She heads to the kitchen, her ears pricking at the sound of a couple screaming. She pauses for a moment, listening in. They are just fighting. She sighs disappointedly and opens the fridge, grabbing a beer and whatever thing she can quickly make into food.

She's tired, her legs feel like jelly, and she feels sticky with sweat. She doesn't like the outfit she's wearing, even in her apartment a chill bites into her.

She sits down with her food and her beer, quickly flipping on the TV. She doesn't care really about what she watches, she just cares to get her mind out of the past and off of her job. Her eyes droop, she yawns, and she begins to shovel the food into her mouth as the sound of woman talking reaches her ears.

It's a documentary.

She rolls her eyes but listens anyways. She's found good documentaries before so maybe this will be one of those times.

It isn't. It's a very preachy documentary about prostitution sponsored by the Women's Rights Advocacy Center of Tokyo. Good God, this people seem to have nothing better to do than make her life sound more miserable than it already is and that she really had no choice about the life she lives. They make it sound like she was forced or coerced into it.

What a stupid woman.

She had every opportunity to save herself from this life. She could've caught up in school or she could've stayed in the past. She could've taken a job at WacDonalds for God's sake, but she didn't, she chose to follow this path. She took this job because she wanted it, craved it, and desired it.

She clicks off the TV, sets the food on the coffee table and finishes off her beer. She'll clean this shit up in the morning. Right now, all she wants to do is go to sleep and not think about her life right now.

She ignores the flashing light of her answering machine. She'll get the tomorrow as well.

That night she has nightmares again. It's a nightly routine now. They haunt her, causing her to toss and turn, to pant and whimper, to moan and scream. In the past, she's tried staying up for days at a time but when she falls asleep, they return, turning her blood to ice.

She hates these nightmares. She calls them nightmares because they show themselves when she sleeps but she knows that should she recall them while awake, she should call them memories. These nightmares, they're from her past. They haunt her, taunting her with the vivid images of that night and the rough feeling she felt that night.

In her nightmares, she's sees his silver hair again and those piercing gold eyes staring at her naked figure out of amusement. Every night she hears his rough words and remembers the feelings of his calloused hands against her skin, feeling, grabbing, bruising. She recalls when she sleeps, the feeling as he took her virginity and she can remember the salty tears stinging her cheeks.

But there is one thing she remembers above all else and those are the last words he spoke to her.

_"You belong to this Sesshomaru now."_

She awakes in the morning covered in a cold sweat, her breathing coming in short gasps. She quickly darts from her bed and into the warm water of the shower, still shivering from the memories. She closes her eyes while in the shower, resting her forehead against the shower wall as she tries to stuff the memories back into a box.

She does not belong to him, and she never will. She fled the past, leaving him behind. Her body has belonged to many since her first time, it belongs to multiple men on a nightly basis actually.

She quickly dresses in the first thing she can grab, jeans and a turtleneck. It's been a while since she's dressed in something so unrevealing. She marvels at it for a moment as she slips on sneakers she hasn't worn in years and bolts from her apartment. She doesn't know where she's going but she knows she needs the fresh air the outside provides.

As she walks the crowded streets of Tokyo, her eyes kept downcast. She mumbles an apology whenever she bumps into someone but that is all. She does not wish to be here.

She finds herself in an antique shop. She does not know why but she does. The store is nearly empty, the only people being a gentle old man wearing a bandana over his head and a smiling woman who looks young enough to be his granddaughter. Kagome smiles at both of them as she looks over the old trinkets.

She does not pay much attention to the stuff. It's all old, dusty crap in her opinion that should've been left in the past.

The bell that signifies someone's entrance rings, her eyes flicking to the door. The face does not register in her mind immediately but as the image lingers in her head, she puts a name to it.

Sesshomaru.

She freezes, her eyes quickly glancing back at him. He's glaring at the old man who is smirking at him. The woman she'd written off as the granddaughter is rolling her eyes. She looks closer at her and recognizes Rin. The old man she assumes to be Inuyasha.

To think, all three of them survived through the ages and are here in Tokyo. Somehow, by some miracle of fate, they haven't recognized her.

She continues walking along, pretending to look at the antiques though she is focused on the people from her past. Sesshomaru hugs Rin lovingly, not like that of a daughter but that of a lover, and Inuyasha is laughing.

They seem so happy… so different.

Sesshomaru is not the Sesshomaru she recalls, she realizes. His eyes are soft, his smile not that of a deranged psychopath, and his laugh is mirthful not cruel. He's changed over the years. He's kinder, softer. He gets the joke now and there is no murderous glint to his golden gaze. Then again, she must remind herself, for him it has been five hundred years. Change is inevitable.

He probably has forgotten the trauma her forced her through and even if he has memories of it, it is just an kernel in the back of his mind. The name Kagome is probably foreign to him, nothing but dust in the wind.

She sighs, looking back at the objects on the shelf. She lets her stiff posture go. He does not recognize her, none of them do. She's changed too in the years since then. Seven years, she thinks. She is no longer the happy go lucky high school student who did anything no matter the odds in her way. She is now a prostitute, whoring herself out on the streets at night, waiting for her next John. She's a woman now, not a girl. She's cold and sad, angry at the same time. She wears an emotionless mask wherever she goes, to absorbed in her pity party to think of the world around herself.

She grabs an object off the shelf that catches her eye. She'll buy this and leave, never returning to the little antique shop.

She hands Rin the trinket, waiting for her to ring it up. Rin beams at her but she does not smile back.

She hands Rin a credit card.

"May I see your license?" Rin asks politely.

Now she wants to smack herself. She wanted to leave without being recognized but now they'll be sure to recognize her. Inuyasha knows her last name and the picture on her license is a couple years old, an image from the days where she hadn't let all sense of normality and decency go.

Sighing, she pulls her license out and hands it over. Rin looks at it, and then back at her.

"Higurashi Kagome?"

Inuyasha looks up from whatever he is doing and looks at her. Kagome knew that this would be too good to last. Thank you Rin, she wants to say sarcastically. But she doesn't, she stays silent as Inuyasha hobbles over to them.

"Kagome, is that really you?"

"Who are you?" Kagome asks, hoping that if she acts like she doesn't recognize him, he'll go away.

"It's me, Inuyasha."

Nope, it doesn't work. She knew it wouldn't though, it would be a miracle had it worked. She internally groans. At least Sesshomaru has slipped into the back and cannot hear what is happening here in the front.

"Inuyasha, you're so old," she says with a fake smile.

"Well, that's what five hundred years does to a hanyou." He laughs at this likes it's funny and Rin rolls her eyes.

"It's nice to see you Kagome. How's things been?"

"Good," she says. She meets Rin's eyes and she can tell the young woman does not believe her.

"What do you do for a living?" Rin asks. Rin can tell that she is not doing well but at least she thinks it's because she's unemployed. Kagome can work with this. It's not like she had a legal job. Even if prostitution was legal, they would definitely listen to what those prejudiced documentaries on TV told them and think that Kagome had been forced into the profession.

"I'm unemployed."

She hopes that satisfying Rin's curiosity will let her leave but Kagome also gets the distinct feeling that the young woman will keep her here longer, running the risk of letting Sesshomaru see her.

"Ah, that sucks," Rin says sympathetically.

It happens. Before Kagome can reply to Rin, Sesshomaru steps out of the back. He walks over to them, interested in what his two family members are fussing over. At first, he doesn't seem to recognize her. She knows this will not last though; Rin will introduce her. Kagome's frozen to the spot, terrified of what Sesshomaru is going to do.

"Oh honey, you remember Kagome?"

His golden eyes meet her icy blue ones in a moment of recognition. She's still frozen to the spot, eyes wide like those of a deer in the headlights, completely terrified. Understanding gleams in his eyes. He remembers what he did.

"Yes. It's nice see you," he says to her. He turns to his lover. "I need to go. I have to deliver that statue to Ritsuo-san."

"You can at least drive Kagome home."

"If she wants it."

Rin looks at her expectantly. They must've realized that she walked here, though how she does not know. Rin's eyes are encouraging, Inuyasha's friendly. Sesshomaru regards her coldly. What will they ask if she says no? Will they ask why? What excuse can she come up with to explain it to them?

"Sure," she says, attempting to swallow her fear. She was too nervous to think of one quickly and leaving the offer hanging any longer will make them suspicious. It's a quick drive home anyways so she won't have to be with Sesshomaru long.

She says goodbye to Inuyasha and Rin, grabs her antique, and follows Sesshomaru to where the vehicle is. She realizes that it's the shop's van he'll be driving her in. She gets in the passenger seat as he makes the last little adjustments.

"First I need to drop this off," he says gruffly.

Kagome nods, staring at her window. Great, she'll be stuck with him longer. They ride in silence for a few minutes as he drives them farther and farther away from Tokyo. She can feel herself grow more nervous as they get farther away from the shop. Somewhere inside her there is something screaming that this was a stupid idea.

"I apologize for what I did back then."

Immediately her eyes flick to him. He's apologizing for raping her. She does not feel much safer but at least he acknowledges he did something wrong.

"Back then I was obsessed with control and power. You threatened my control in my eyes so I did what I thought would take you down and leave you weak against me. It was not right of me."

She does not know what to say in return. He's admitting he was wrong. The Sesshomaru she remembered was never wrong, or at least in his eyes he was never wrong. Her earlier thought was right; he has changed.

"Thank you," she whispers. It's the only thing she could come up with.

"Now get over it. Be Kagome again, the one those two idiots remember. And get a new job. You stink."

She chuckles darkly, glaring at him in disbelief. He dares to give her orders after what he did to her? He's trying to be the one in control even to this day, just not resorting to rape to win control. He hasn't changed as much as she thought.

He turns his head to the side momentarily to pin her with a serious look.

"Are you seriously bossing me around?"

"Yes, though it is for you own good.

"I'm not going to listen you to. You raped me."

"I apologized. I admitted I was wrong. Get over it."

She glares at him, angry that he thought just an apology was enough to fix all the years of pain she suffered through, all the sleepless nights she been awake, fearing every creak that came from the old floor boards above her head. He thought a simple apology would make all her struggles better? Yeah right. She'd dropped out of high school because of him and what he'd done. She became a prostitute because she hated the thought of her body belonging to one man.

"An apology doesn't fix the past."

"Then take a job at the store. I'm certain Rin and Inuyasha would love it if you did."

"As if I'd work under you." She is smart, she will not put herself in such a position that will give him access to her at any time and give him things to hold over her.

The car comes to a halt at a stop sign. Sesshomaru sighs, obviously frustrated with her and her insistence on holding onto the past. He's looking for a reply as well while he looks both ways.

Then he hears her unbuckle her seat belt and open the door. He looks over to her and sees her hopping out of the car. She is mumbling something softly, something about dreaming. He thinks about calling out to her but the glare she gives him says that he better not.

He lets her go. He tried to apologize. He tried to make it up to her. She wouldn't take it though and in the end, that would be her fault.

Though he know she can't hear him, the door is shut and she's walking home, he whispers be safe under his breath. If she dies from the dangers of her profession, he knows it will devastate Rin and Inuyasha.

* * *

She's running. She's running as hard as she can, holding the tattered remains of her clothing against her to keep some form of dignity. There is no one about. It's late at night, past midnight in fact, and everyone is tucked safely away in their beds. When she screams, there is no one to listen. She fears that she is beyond help. She fears that come morning, she'll be buried six feet deep and there will be no one to mourn her or even know that she is dead.

She continues to run. She knows she's being chased. She's certain that the man chasing her is right on her tail. She scared; her breath is coming out in short pants.

Momentarily, she regrets not taking Sesshomaru's offer. She could've saved herself is she did.

She's running down the street the antique shop is on. How cruel a mistress fate can be. However, perhaps she is not out of hope. The light of the antique shop is on. Perhaps there is someone there. It is her only hope.

She runs towards it. She glances behind her and she sees that the man is still chasing her. Though he is not right on her heels, he'll be here any moment. There's a gun in his hand as well. She is going to die if this light was just accidently left on. Oh how she hopes against fate itself that there is someone there. She'd much rather let Sesshomaru see her like this than die a horrible death.

She knocks on the glass door frantically, peering inside. It is Sesshomaru, hunched over something, a pen in hand. She knocks even more frantically, finally catching his attention. He looks over to her, taking in her wild appearance. He raises an eyebrow at her. She knocks even harder.

He smirks.

This is the Sesshomaru she remembers. His eyes are cold, cruel. His smirk is evil, psychotic. She knocks frantically some more but all he does is shake his head and scribble something down.

The last thing she sees before everything goes dark and a gunshot rings out is a piece of paper telling her she had her chance.

* * *

Kagome is jolted from her bed. She looks around frantically and notices that she is in her own room. She feels her chest and stomach and notices that there are no gunshot wounds, not even scarring from one. She takes in deep breaths, trying to calm herself from what she guesses was traumatic nightmare.

Dawn is filtering in through the window. She can see her clothes from the night before still cast onto the floor. She looks towards the open doors of her closet and see that her sneakers remain untouched and where they usually are. Nothing seems out of place.

It had to have just been a nightmare.

She puts her feet on the ground and pulls her comforter around her shoulders. She walks into the living room, noticing that nothing seems to out of place. There is still a little red light flashing from her answering machine. Her door is still locked. Even the pillows haven't been move.

She nodded her head. Just a nightmare.

She passes by the clean coffee table to look at the window, not thinking about it.

She hadn't met Sesshomaru. She hadn't talked to Inuyasha. She hadn't seen Rin. And she hadn't died. It was just another nightmare.

She let out a dark chuckle. Just another nightmare, right?

_AN: Or was it? I don't consider coffee tables clean if there are an empty beer bottle on them and a plate with whatever she didn't eat last night on it. But then what do I know, I'm just the author._


End file.
